Why is it that men in our society can call the shots, tell us how it’s going to be, and we, as women, just sit back, smile and nod and simply accept it for what it is – a decision made by a man, for a man, and in the “best interest” of the family/situation/etc.?
“Where is this coming from,” you might be wondering. “This is not her usual snarky banter about stupid things happening to her.”
No, it’s not. I apologize in advance if this is going to be a boring read for some of you. I had a conversation with my friend, Trixie, this morning and it really got me thinking about women and the role we are expected to play in decision making.
Now, I don’t know if this is simply a Southern-thing, or if it is a universal girl-card-carrying-thing. Maybe y’all can help me out with that. Read on:
So my friend Trixie is explaining to us that a major dynamic has changed in her household. Won’t go into details about it out of respect for her privacy, but Trixie called the ball, and is telling us what a horrible person she is, and is it bad that she can accept the fact that she is selfish and terrible?
What? Terrible? Selfish? Oh, honey, I don’t think so.
See, I think the thing is that society, being what it is, even in the 21stcentury, has tried to delude women into thinking that it’s okay to care for ourselves, but only after we’ve first cared for everyone else in our
lives, first. Significant others, offspring, bosses, employees, the family dog, and the family debts. Now, I don’t know about you, but I find that after I’ve cared for all of the above? There isn’t a whole lot of time for me to care for Julie.
So now Trixie is feeling terrible because she’s a bad person, because she is confusing self-preservation for selfishness.
Society has drilled into our heads that we have to be simply satisfied with our station in life, that if we speak up and vocalize what is truly best for us, we are bad, selfish, terrible people.
Ladies, that is not the case.
Sometimes you HAVE to put yourself first.
Sometimes you HAVE to speak up.
It doesn’t make you terrible or bad. It is your way of preserving your sanity by saying, “This isn’t ok.” Wouldn’t you rather do that than to put up, shut up, and two months down the line be tearing your hair out and popping Xanax because you didn’t speak up?
Oh…and for Squirrel? For her next birthday, which is still AGES away (it has to be, as mine is only 11 days after hers), this is what we are both going to have when we blow out our next candles: