Yes, I know…this sounds like an R to X rated post, but it’s really only a PG-13 post. (Sorry, men…it is what it is…)
So those of you that know me know that I’m well endowed. Overly so.
Those of you that have known me since I was ten years old know that I was the only one in Mr. Mintz’s 5th grade class picture that had hooters. IDENTIFIABLE hooters. (Go back and look…red sweater, god-awful tortoise-shell oval glasses, and BOOBs…bigger ones than anyone else in the class.
That’s where it all started. I wanted a training bra, and my mom used to tell me that mine stood up just fine and didn’t need to be trained, even tho all of my girlfriends were wearing these adorable little training bra/tank-like things. *sigh*
Fast forward to Junior High School: I was what? 12 in 7th grade? Flag football was NOT a contact sport, but apparently, Jimmy L********* thought it was and grabbed two handfuls of C cup and said, “Oooooh, Chi-chi’s!” Damn him anyway. I think he got suspended for that. Needless to say, my PE grade suffered because I refused to play flag football again.
I was always the girl with the big upper-frontals. I was always the girl who hated it.
I was stick thing. A toothpick with two of those Hostess Snow-Balls stuck to the front.
Then I grew up. I didn’t mind the “girls” as long as they stayed at a c-cup or below. And then…then I hit my late 30’s and everything changed. If I gained weight? It went to my boobs. If I lost weight, it came off my butt (which I had very little of, anyway…). When I married Johnny in ’03 I was on the high end of a C cup, low end of a D cup and jiggled when I moved, and was not loving that.
I had gone to see my family physician in ’05 about shoulder/neck/back pain and the grooves in my shoulders and they told me to go to physical therapy and work out. Whatever. That didn’t work out as planned:
Even after losing weight, I was a stick figure with a size 12 butt and a size 18 top. NOT cool.
Then Johnny had multiple surgeries on his cervical spine, so I thought less about my stuff and more about his. But I still had (have) pain in my shoulders, neck, and back.
I know that the hubs loves the girls, and I approached the subject delicately, if nothing else, over the last year or so, but it’s gotten to the point where I have been hurting daily, working out makes me cry (try jogging, an elliptical workout, or brisk walk with ten pound flour bags affixed to your chest and tell me it isn’t uncomfortable for you!) No, really…Go ahead…I freaking double DOG dare you! Sit ups? A nightmare for my neck.
Finally, I grew a pair and contacted a friend’s plastic surgeon, who happens to be employed where I work, and they are going to see me for a reduction consultation in two weeks. Upside? Smaller boobs, less back/neck/shoulder pain, and the elimination of painful indentations in my shoulders from straps.
Downside? I have to be NICOTINE free for four weeks prior to the surgery and six weeks post-op. No patch, no gum. we’re talking cold freaking turkey. HOWEVER…Lung cancer and heart disease haven’t phased me into quitting, but sadly? Less pain and a better self-image have shamed me into quitting.
This is really a hard blog for me to write, but if you’re all going to be there with me? What the hell, right? Let’s “bare” it all, ok?
Till next time….