Yes, I know…this sounds like an R to X rated post, but it’s really only a PG-13 post. (Sorry, men…it is what it is…)
So those of you that know me know that I’m well endowed. Overly so.
Those of you that have known me since I was ten years old know that I was the only one in Mr. Mintz’s 5th grade class picture that had hooters. IDENTIFIABLE hooters. (Go back and look…red sweater, god-awful tortoise-shell oval glasses, and BOOBs…bigger ones than anyone else in the class.
That’s where it all started. I wanted a training bra, and my mom used to tell me that mine stood up just fine and didn’t need to be trained, even tho all of my girlfriends were wearing these adorable little training bra/tank-like things. *sigh*
Fast forward to Junior High School: I was what? 12 in 7th grade? Flag football was NOT a contact sport, but apparently, Jimmy L********* thought it was and grabbed two handfuls of C cup and said, “Oooooh, Chi-chi’s!” Damn him anyway. I think he got suspended for that. Needless to say, my PE grade suffered because I refused to play flag football again.
I was always the girl with the big upper-frontals. I was always the girl who hated it.
I was stick thing. A toothpick with two of those Hostess Snow-Balls stuck to the front.
Imagine THESE stuck to a toothpick. That was me in my younger years. Dammit.
Then I grew up. I didn’t mind the “girls” as long as they stayed at a c-cup or below. And then…then I hit my late 30’s and everything changed. If I gained weight? It went to my boobs. If I lost weight, it came off my butt (which I had very little of, anyway…). When I married Johnny in ’03 I was on the high end of a C cup, low end of a D cup and jiggled when I moved, and was not loving that.
You can see the deterioration of gravity due to age and weight. Altho, while I thought this was bad then? It actually looks pretty decent now. *sigh*
I had gone to see my family physician in ’05 about shoulder/neck/back pain and the grooves in my shoulders and they told me to go to physical therapy and work out. Whatever. That didn’t work out as planned:
Even after losing weight, I was a stick figure with a size 12 butt and a size 18 top. NOT cool.
Then Johnny had multiple surgeries on his cervical spine, so I thought less about my stuff and more about his. But I still had (have) pain in my shoulders, neck, and back.
I know that the hubs loves the girls, and I approached the subject delicately, if nothing else, over the last year or so, but it’s gotten to the point where I have been hurting daily, working out makes me cry (try jogging, an elliptical workout, or brisk walk with ten pound flour bags affixed to your chest and tell me it isn’t uncomfortable for you!) No, really…Go ahead…I freaking double DOG dare you! Sit ups? A nightmare for my neck.
Finally, I grew a pair and contacted a friend’s plastic surgeon, who happens to be employed where I work, and they are going to see me for a reduction consultation in two weeks. Upside? Smaller boobs, less back/neck/shoulder pain, and the elimination of painful indentations in my shoulders from straps.
Downside? I have to be NICOTINE free for four weeks prior to the surgery and six weeks post-op. No patch, no gum. we’re talking cold freaking turkey. HOWEVER…Lung cancer and heart disease haven’t phased me into quitting, but sadly? Less pain and a better self-image have shamed me into quitting.
This is really a hard blog for me to write, but if you’re all going to be there with me? What the hell, right? Let’s “bare” it all, ok?
Till next time….
Random Musings From a Type-A Workaholic 
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Maybe we should seek a doctor together and fix both of our problems simultaneously. We could create our own breast surgery ecosystem. And we’d both walk away, you with no back pain and me filing out a bra, happy.
LMAO! I thought about that, too…We’d BOTH be happy. And cute. And comfortable.
I vote yes! 🙂
Best wishes, Julie! Know a number of gals who’ve had reductions and not the FIRST who has bemoaned it once. As for JW… once they’re back at ‘eye level’ again, he’ll totally forget they ‘went on a diet’!
LOL! That is kind of what I am thinking, too. 🙂 I know that *I* will feel a whole lot better, which, in turn, should make me a much happier girl. 🙂
You must have started growing the girls AFTER I moved away, because I have no memory of them on you -though I could have just been clueless 😉
It’s totally cool that you are going to be pain-free and have improved lungs – doesn’t really matter the motivation 😀
Good luck with it!
PS – talk to your DR about how much bigger you might get in the future as you age (yes when we get our age, some of us get bigger boobs without additional weight gain – mine are a whole cup-size bigger) That may be a consideration when you get them reduced….
Weren’t we in Mr. Mintz’s class together? The girls REALLY went to town in Jr. High, that’s for sure. Pain free is good, clean lungs are good, too! 😀
I’m with you — all the way. You’ve told my story, and a reduction is high on my list. I’ll look forward to updates. Good luck, congratulations, best wishes…..not sure what’s appropos. How about this? I’ll keep you in my prayers.
LOL, Claire, that totally works! And all of the above works, too. 🙂
Jules, as you may have noticed, I have the opposite problem. But starting about 6 months ago or so I experienced some…….inflation. Or swelling. “Grew” about a cup size and a half. Okay, I actually had cleavage for the first time, well, ever. Along with daily pretty severe tenderness/aching. Slap the happy hubby’s hand away type aching. Came to find out I was SEVERELY lacking in vitamin D. I’m talking, it’s a wonder I didn’t have rickets-or-something-type-lacking. As it turns out, low vitamin D levels are actually becoming really common in the U.S.
For about the past 6 weeks or so I have been on vitamin D supplements to the tune of 50,000 IU per week. It only took about two weeks for the balloons to deflate. Aching is gone, tenderness is gone, unfortunately boobs are gone too. What little bit is left, sags. Back to what I have referred to for years as “socks half full of wet sand.”
Don’t go TOO small. You’re likely to regret it. And even though this has been a life-long thing for you, if they have turned especially more tender/sensitive lately, please consider getting a blood test to have your vitamin D level checked….. Wouldn’t it suck if that’s all it took for you to shrink a couple of cup sizes and you had surgery instead?
Not sensitive…just waaaaay too big. 🙂 They checked everything a couple of months ago (you know, when my “prostate” was normal? LOL…
Say bye bye to the ti-htays!
buh-bye! (me waving happily!)