I know…

I am supposed to be a grown woman. And I suppose, on the outside, it appears that I am in my early (REAL EARLY) mid-life years. But the truth of the matter is not only is there a flat-chested skinny girl trying to get out, I also harbor a perpetual 12 year old, and I can’t help it.

I wasn’t always this much of a prankster. I think it happened once I got my middle-aged mind off of what my face looked like without makeup and other trivialities that consumed my brain when I was a much younger pup (and yes, the d-o-g reference was deliberate, especially since I am a girl, and devious).

My earliest (professional) memory of a really GOOD practical joke was right after the hubs and I got married. I was working till 4:30 at the office because I would come in late due to an English class I had at the college. One afternoon, after ‘most everyone had gone home, the facility Police Chief, Cindy, and I were in the office just farting around and we found this bead string that kinda almost looked like a snake. It was on that stretchy cord, and *I* thought it would be fun to put it in the office supply cabinet to scare the first person in the following morning, so Cindy and the Chief helped me rig this so that when the cabinet opened, the “snake” would fly out of the cabinet. We all clocked out, went home and didn’t think another thing about it. Until the next morning.

It was shortly after 9 a.m. and I was rolling in from the aforementioned English class. One of our nurses (who happened to be kind of a big-wig at the time) was waiting at the back door for me. Uh-oh…She told me that Faye had been injured, and wouldn’t go to Employee Health, could I talk her into going?  Well, sure…I loved Faye. She was one of my best friends outside the office and one of our most FUN team members…So I went in and she was holding her head, sitting at a desk, moaning.

“Oh, my GAWD, Faye! What happened???”

“I hit my head,” she told me. She proceeded  to tell me how she had unlocked the office supply cabinet and when she opened it this “thing” came out at her, and scared her so badly she had fallen backwards and hit her head on the corner of the desk.

To say, “oh, SHIT,” was going through my head at that point would be a total understatement. I looked around, and all my accomplices were in the office with me, but backing slowly out toward the door. They all disavowed any knowledge of said prank, and LITERALLY pointed their fingers at ME!

At this point I just knew I had to get Faye some medical attention, because she looked REALLY out of it. And I told her so. She simply muttered at me and I couldn’t understand what she was saying, and I’m thinking all grades of brain damage, a termination for me, and God only knows what else.  I told her slowly to look at me and repeat what she said.

She looked up, held my hand, and serious as all get out, mumbled, “I have anal glaucoma.”

WTF?

“Faye, what? You have WHAT?” I was in a panic!

“Anal glaucoma. I just don’t see my ass working.”

At that point, EVERYONE fell out laughing and I had to excuse myself, because during this short time, my intestines had turned to hot water.

I will also happily share more white collar pranks another time, but HAVE to share today’s most recent laugh.

I found this online and just KNEW that it would fit beautifully in the dynamic of our office:

How do you NOT want to do this????

Cindy (yes, the same Cindy) was out of the office in meetings today and Jen & I decided to make some poop. Initially we wanted to do little mouse/rat/rodent droppings and place them around her cup, drawers, and cabinets, but couldn’t really get it to work like that, but we WERE able to fashion something that looked quite a lot like dog dookie, which was ok, because I was just going to lie through my teeth and tell her that my friend had brought her new lab-mix puppy in to show me and I let him run all over the place. And that is what I did. Sadly, there was nobody left in the office to see this come to its fruition, but it was still all grades of funny.

She finally went to settle into her desk and shrieked that my friend’s dog had left something under her desk. So I went out and looked, and there was our wet cardboard…err…dog poop…and I simply walked over (being owned by many dogs, myself), bent down, picked up the little wads of wet roll with my bare hands, sniffed, shrugged, and tossed them into the trash.  LMAO.  I WISH someone had been there to get pictures.

Some days it actually pays to chew through the restraints and just go to work…This was one of them, y’all! 🙂

Do you have favorite practical jokes? Are they office appropriate? If so, please share them. If not? Share them, anyway! 😉

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