Like a dumb-ass, I posted to FaceBook that my taxes are giving me fits, even with Turbo Tax. I’ve never been known for my organizational skills, so most people that know me also know that the last couple of years have been trying, IRS-speakingly.
Apparently, my soon to be daughter-in-law isn’t all that familiar with this. (From this point forward she shall be referred to as the STBDIL.) Apparently, not only am I crazy and manipulative, I’m also a lazy typist.
Let us rewind about a month or so.
One of my sons has called and told me that he and his beloved are getting married. (I’m actually glad to get a phone call, given that I found out about their engagement via text message and FaceBook.) I told him (he lives 3/4 across the country) that I would check on ticket prices to get there. Between airfare and car rental, it’s going to be a minimum of a grand per head, and this isn’t including hotel.
Now then…I work a full time job, and have the same bills everyone else has, and have told said son that a grand is a lot more than I can afford to spend, and I tearfully explained this to him. He said he understood, told me to hang in there, and to keep my chin up. I was tremendously upset because I couldn’t make it for the festivities.
Now, given that his beloved and I have a rocky relationship history (don’t ask; it’s not worth the drama of rehashing), I’m doing my best to get along with her, at this point. We’re exchanging FB messages, and whatnot.
Back to tonight. I posted that STUPID status update about my taxes being the bane of my existence. An hour or six later, after having scrolled through hundreds of lines of bank statements, doctors’ statements, and cancelled checks, I find the following (paraphrased, because I didn’t have the forethought with me to copy and past the message) statement on my FB wall, for all of my friend list to see: “Maybe you can take some of that money and come out for your son’s wedding, since his heart is broken that you told him you weren’t coming.”
You’re kidding, right? Hell, we haven’t gotten a tax REFUND in several years. Bear in mind, my husband is disabled and I’m the only one working, with a senior in high school in the house. Do y’all know how much senior stuff costs? Holy Crap~!! Seventy non-refundable dollars for each college application, cost of cap and gown, tassel, National Honor Society induction fee, NHS stole for graduation gown, portraits (thank goodness I can handle most of those), class ring, ACT fees, etc.
I messaged STBDIL and told her that I didn’t appreciate the public comment on FB pertaining to my finances, that I had spoken to my son last weekend and explained the situation, and that she had stepped over the line and that I really had nothing further to say to her regarding this. Not being a total dimwit, I also added my son to the message so that he would see the entire exchange. You know…Just in case…Good thing I did.
I was met with a barrage of accusations running from the ludicrous to the extreme, and she actually had the audacity to tell me that with my 50% of my ex’s retirement, my child support (um…really?), and my two jobs, I should have NO problem funding the trip, and how dare I compare my disappointment to my son’s.
Seriously? It was then reduced to an amazing barrage of financial accusations, at which point I told her I was done, and if she kept on she’d be blocked (as we went through a bunch of verbal abuse from her in January). And then the one-sided name-calling began.
So I did what any normal pissed off mom would do. I told her what I thought of her (and I will refrain from sharing with you exactly what I said to her out of what’s left of respect for said son). And then I blocked her.
Not too long afterwards, I got a call from said son, apologizing and saying that he understood. I told him that I gave her more than one chance to be decent, and that by bringing what she thought she knew about our finances up and throwing it in my face, I was basically done.
We conversed and hung up on a civil note.
I went to bed.
I was asleep when my cell, in its charger, went off. It was a text from her. She called me everything but a child of God. Cussed me and then told me that my son thinks I’m crazy and manipulative, how dare I tell him not to marry her (I did no such thing; I just told him to consider how she treats his parents, that’s all), and that he said that he was glad that I’d never have my claws in him again.
I forwarded the text to said son who called me back, apologizing for STBDIL, yet again. I told him he’d better tell her to back off or I’d be bringing harassment charges on her if she didn’t stop (as we’ve been through this into-the-wee-hours-of-the-morning text barrage once already, earlier in the year).
Needless to say, Son is not speaking to me anymore because I admittedly referred to STBDIL as a bitch. Twice. He and I hung up, both pissed off beyond words.
Is he going to marry her? Of course.
Am I going to apologize? Only for offending him.
Am I going to try and stop them? Hell no. My parents didn’t try to stop me, but please know…had any of the guys I ever dated had disrespected and/or cussed my parents out in a similar manner (and in some cases it may very well have been justified), I would have called off any relationship.
Maybe I’m ridiculously old fashioned, but how you treat someone’s parents speaks tons about you.
I’m not going to sit here and say I know what makes the perfect marriage, but jeebus, people…if someone is knocking your parent(s)’ dick in the dirt months before, weeks before, and days before your wedding, wouldn’t you stop and think about who it is you are marrying?
Again, what do I know? I’m old. I over react. I’m a tightwad who has more money than I know what to do with (Gawd, don’t I wish THAT were the truth). I’m the old bitch that refuses to attend said son’s wedding out of spite (h’okay…whatevs).
(side note: to my son and his “beloved”: I am not naming names. There are three of you. Nobody knows who I’m referring to, so don’t even fuss at me about blogging about MY life….You two decided to embed yourself in a not so pleasant way, so it is what it is….)
Wow! What a jerk she is! You do what you have to do to preserve your family here. I know it hurts, but if he cares more for her, than he does for you, well, he gets what he is marrying into! Hang in there. Hugs! Elaine
I guess I just take issue with him having no problem calling me everything but a child of God, cussing at me and dropping “F” bombs, and texting me after bedtime, but I stated what I thought and it was on like a pot of grits. It is what it is…
Having dealt with my fair share of crazy family (sadly I’m related to them all) you’re better off letting it roll off your back. At some point, he will see the light and you will help him pick up the shattered pieces of his life, because that’s what moms do.
Sorry all this happened and your son and you had harsh words with each other over her. She sounds like such a *lovely* person…..I say that in the purest, most sarcastic meaning of the word.
Hey, Your Highness!
Thank you so much for your kind words. 🙂 this all went down over the course of an evening and into the wee hours, and I had to blog it to get it out.
Take it light!