Those Damned Childhood Insecurities…

Yeah, kid...me, too. And let's work on punctuation, Interweb Meme ppl, huh?

Yeah, kid…me, too. And let’s work on punctuation, Interwebz Meme people, shall we? Get’s is a contraction of nothing, ever!

Do you remember what it was like being a kid?

Do you ever wish you didn’t remember being a kid?

The upside to being a kid (especially if you are anything like the kid at left, or, more specifically, me) is that you eventually grow out of it.

Yeah, I was that kid. I think the kid pictured has straighter bangs than I did, but you get the point. I was picked last for everything that was important to kids; kickball, dodgeball, softball, volleyball, teams in class for group projects…You get the idea, I’m sure. I wore glasses from the age of 7, had hideous plaid pants (and am still not entirely convinced those heinous things were really in style at all), and I was the girl whose chest decided it needed to go into overdrive before any of the other girls’.

I was, however, picked first for things like orchestra…you know…goober activities to kids in that age group. So fine…I can still play the first AND second violin parts to Bach’s Brandenburg Concerto #3, First Movement. By heart. I was also first string/first chair for a junior high school orchestral group when I was still in elementary school. While it might sound good now? That never made me score ANY points with the cool kids, either. I also had good grammar and punctuation habits, which, happily, followed me into adulthood. This is also why it is REALLY bugging me that the meme I cabbaged off the Interwebz is driving me nuts because “Get’s” is NOT a legit contraction. Sue me.

I was also one of three losers who went along with the class plan to cross our eyes for our group picture that time in fifth grade. I just wanted to be a cool kid, and all of the cool kids were going to be doing it, too, except that they weren’t and this, apparently, was just another in a long line of twisted childhood practical jokes, many of which I found myself the butt of. Nina and Carrie, the other two girls with their eyes crossed, may or may not have received the same parental dressing down that I got when the customary 5×7″ print was delivered. OMG, I was in so much TROUBLE!

So you kind of get the drift of what being that school-aged goober was like for me. I outgrew it, mostly, but sometimes…

Then there are days like today. I had been walking about three inches off the ground (which is a pretty cool-ass trick, considering I am still sporting the boot from hell) for the last month or so after having been given a second department to supervise; my heart’s professional desire, if you will.

During a conversation with a peer, it slipped out that I was not the first person even considered or asked to take that department. This dropped my jaw because I had only been making a grand amount of noise pertaining to being given the chance to take that department and run with it. Like, for months. I mean, come on…I orchestrated an appreciation week for them that followed the national guidelines. I had huge plans to bring morale up, improve attendance, and I’d been doing the behind-the-scenes administrative work for months and months. Further, this group of dedicated employees are professionals, not candidates for the Island of Misfit Toys, okay? For what it’s worth, I’m proud to have this department and look forward to a long and happy professional relationship with the individuals therein.

This hit me hard, and brought all those stupid childhood insecurities back to the surface.

The difference this time? (Okay, there are two differences; one being adult beverage after a bad day.) There is this lesson that I’ve learned from running…5K’s, 10K’s, half marathons, full marathons? It’s all the same. It doesn’t matter WHERE you finish, it only matters that you FINISH…and as a disclaimer, I have only run 5K’s, but aspire, in the future, to work my way up. (Track, btw, wasn’t one of the cool-kid sports, either, so at least I am consistent, right?)

Follow through and finish!

Follow through and finish!

At this point? I don’t really give a fat rat’s ass where I placed in the finals. The fact of the matter is that I have the department, even if it is only because nobody else wanted to deal with it. I’m still going to run with it, make it better, and finish what I started, even if I did start last out of the gate.

Besides…Success is the best revenge, right? (Obviously, there are some things I did NOT outgrow.)

Your awkward childhood memories – leave them below. Take some pity on a near-half-century old nerd-girl and tell me why I’m not alone.

Until Next Time…

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18 thoughts on “Those Damned Childhood Insecurities…

  1. I got picked last for sports all the time in school, there were even girls telling team captains not to pick me. Someone got the bright idea to put me in goal for floor hockey because they thought I was lazy.

    Little did they know my idiot older brothers used me as a practice goalie for all things. I shocked a whole lot of people that day, and left more than one of those “pick her last” girls with bruised ankles. Never judge a book by its cover.

    It was hard being the shy kid, didn’t help that I was smart and seemingly bereft of any athletic skill. Funny, but I never got picked on again after that.

  2. Julie you have a kindred spirit here! My mother decided it would be a super idea to cut all my hair off at the age of seven. I frequently for mistaken for a boy. And I was chubby. With red cheeks. I’m going to stop now before I cry!

    You seem to me to be a very successful and inspiring lady. I see such strenght and drive in you! I’m glad that you have been able
    to overcome the insecurities. We all have some residual niggling insecurites from childhood and adolescence, don’t we? I suppose sometimes they can be a good thing; they motivate us to prove people wrong.

    Enjoyed reading this Jules, Merry Christmas!

  3. I too was a nerd. I made the A’s that ruined the Curve when the other students’ grades were not very high. I couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn until the 6th grade. It turned out I was nearsighted and needed glasses!! Thanks to them I could see the leaves on the trees which had over some unknown amount of time had become blurs! I still never played well and always was last to be picked. I was chubby until my hormones took off and then I was still a nerd who wore glasses and couldn’t play sports!!
    I still remember when the President started the fitness test for kids when I was in the 6th grade. One girl did 100 situps right there in front of me. I did 2!! (My family was not athletically inclined, never watched sports but pursued many other fields of interest of more importance!) Boy did I feel dumb!!
    I too outgrew it! We learned a lot from those days!! Keep up the good work!! Sounds to me like they chose the right person and the others were just political offerings that were refuse! You got it, run with it!! So happy for you!!

  4. Though retired now, my Daddy has several patents through his work as a chemical engineer in textiles. He once brought home an entire bolt of Kelly green material that was even more itchy than wool. Mama made all of us kids outfits from it. For me a matching scarf, vest, poncho and skirt. For Daddy and my brothers, bow ties and vests. They were our Christmas clothes that year. I was never any happier than when I outgrew those clothes.

    Unfortunately, there was still a butt load of material left on that bolt. Enough that I got a new jumper from it for the next year. (Thank God she never could figure out how to make shoes.)

    This did not improve my social status.

    That’s just ONE childhood story. I got plenty more. Please don’t make me tell any more…

    1. Oh, Susan! I get it! Mom was a pretty good seamstress, and I had (in my dorky opinion) the most cool peasant tops. Actually, looking back, they really WERE badass tops. I was just so invisible nobody noticed.

      The downside? My Girl Scout uniform was fasionable about ten years earlier. Now that I am grown and get fiscal family issues? I get it. But still glad your mom didn’t know how to make shoes. ❤

  5. I hated sports but always got vaguely offended whenever I was in the bottom three to be picked. I didn’t want to play, but I wanted them to want me to play, if that makes sense.

    1. Omg! This makes more sense than the cool kids will ever know! I hated sports, too (and probably because I sucked hard at them), but, OMG I wanted to be picked, too! So glad to know I’m not the only grow up that remember at those little indignities! Thank you! 🙂

      1. Ha. I’m actually 15, but I’m intermittently homeschooled and I’ve been homeschooled for the last year, which is why I used past tense.

    1. I love you and the Pink Floyd reference, Skwarl…Seriously…Thank you! I was the consummate nerd-girl back in the day…That sh*t comes back to haunt an ol’ girl occasionally. I’m’a make it mah b*tch…Yes? Yes!

  6. Yep, me,too – glasses, violin, always picked last for sports. But look where we are now!

    If it makes you feel any better, 15 or so years ago I was sooooo excited to be hired for my current position. It took me a couple of years to discover that my boss has a habit of hiring anyone who breathes, just to get an open position filled. But I worked hard, and I’m appreciated now anyway (at least I think so).

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