I Had a Pity Party Tonight…

Do not…I repeat…DO NOT be afraid of these, ladies. I mean it!

Do not…I repeat…DO NOT be afraid of these, ladies. I mean it!

*whew*

I feel a little better now.

I had my first pity party, complete with tears, since I fell and broke my fibula on November 13. I cried when it happened because it hurt, and after that? I didn’t really complain, because I was just super grateful I didn’t need surgery. I found ways to make good use of my time, adapted at work, crafted, crocheted, and have been a pretty good sport about the whole thing. Till thirty or so minutes ago.

I was in the tub with my tablet and was reading a thread in a weightlifting group I belong to, as well as my feed on FB, and I lost it. I cried ugly. I’m discouraged, sad, jealous, feeling weak and flabby, impatient and pissed off.

At some point, over the past two years, I’ve turned into some kind of fitness diva…no, maybe junkie is the right word (even though ‘diva’ sounds much more cool) and I depended on fitness and exercise to make me feel good about myself. It took these 8 weeks to realize that I don’t feel whole without it. I have experienced Zumba envy. And lifting envy. Oh, and running envy. I haven’t wished ill will on anyone, mind you, because that isn’t like me, but boy, am I jealous! Realizing that made me lose it. I don’t make a habit of envy, for the record.

I’ve been good about following all the doctor’s orders. I really have been, but c’mon. I did my sentence, paid my dues and all that.

I was able to ditch my moon boot a week ago last Tuesday, and have kept the offending body part supported as prescribed by my orthopedist. Last week I managed a day at 10k steps, but not since, because I listen to my body; ESPECIALLY that ankle. I backed off when I needed to. I even went so far as to heat my rice bag at work, elevate my foot and find ways NOT to be all over the hospital.

Yet here I sit, left ankle swollen almost as big as it was when I got my stylish grey moon boot, and in about as much pain. WTActualF is THAT all about?

I mean, c’mon! I followed directions; became a hooking (crochet reference, just so we are clear), NetFlix addicted couch potato, stayed off of it, wrapped it, encased it, exercised it per doc’s instructions.

I am just so futher mucking frustrated with my body’s inability to heal. They say when you get older you don’t bounce back like you used to. Hell, I don’t bounce at all! I, apparently, break, and then take my sweet @$$ time mending.

Zumba-envy.

REALLY?

What was the last hurdle you had to overcome?

How did you handle it?

Did you cry ugly?

Until next time…

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18 thoughts on “I Had a Pity Party Tonight…

          1. I actually just rolled my ankle while walking. But they found a tumor in my tibia at the ER which had eaten the bone so it was really weak and about to crumble anyway. How did you break yours?

            1. I fell over a dog…(I have six papillons and one has a tendency to stay right under foot…and I went down like a ton of bricks…first break ever. But it was such a stupid way to happen…so I told people I fell off my stripper shoe during pole dancing class, but nobody believed me, anyway, ha ha.

              Glad you are on the mend!

  1. You’ll get there soon enough. I think that you’re an active person and want to get going right away. As far as hurdles, it seems that there have been so many of late. Professional, personal and health. Unfortunately, I’m getting too good at rolling with the punches, and lousy at avoiding them.

    1. Well, at least I am in good company, Rob…I’m impatient by nature, anyway, so this interfering with my goals really bugs me…I feel like I’ve been pretty patient up until Saturday night, and I’d been doing SO well, and a setback just…So yeah…I stayed off my feet the rest of the weekend.

  2. You’re right, Julie, it’s hard to heal, specially in the winter for some reason. I know set backs are frustrating, just keep the faith that your well mended bones will be strong in time, and you’ll be high steppin’ again. !
    About ugly cries, I hate ’em. But I haven’t had one since I quit the day job in October. Something about “working with idiots” used to frustrate the hell out of me.
    Keep up the good fight, me girl!

    1. Thank you…This kind of thing doesn’t happen often, but when it does? Yeah, I go all out. You know what they say, LOL…Go big or go home. I went big.

      On the bright side, I had yet another excuse to sit on my butt and make things. 🙂

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