Some days, though. I can’t even, for the most part.
Yesterday was one of those days. I woke up, thinking it was Saturday, but it was Wednesday. How soul-crushing is that?
I get to my office, head up to my daily Safety Huddle, grab an omelette from Chef Carl, who is my reason for getting up on Wednesday mornings, even if I think they are Saturdays. I order my usual: egg whites with the good veggies, some ham and mozzarella inside and out.
I get in front of my computer with my Tabasco-laced breakfast and open my email and there it is. The downfall of my day. I went home early sick on Monday and on Tuesday morning I found an email from my nemesis, written during second shift. The content of said email is neither here nor there, but I respond in kind, sort of drawing a picture without crayons, even though I believe the recipient needs an actual picture drawn out for them. The response was sent early yesterday morning, to which I replied. I worded my response as carefully as I could, simply because I know my nemesis would probably forward this response to my boss and his bosses above him.
I’m still not exactly sure what transpired between this person and my boss, but I receive a call from my boss wanting to know what, exactly I sent to my nemesis, so I forwarded all correspondence to him.
By now? I’m pissed (sorry, Mom) because while I used to be able to do evaluations and write-ups? That falls in my boss’s lap, now, and just about every day for the past week or so, my nemesis has screwed something up, so I keep my boss in the email loop, yet NOTHING is being done. In the old days? I would have already written her up for insubordination and lack of professional communication, separately, which would have gotten her terminated. It’s out of my hands now.
I regressed to my former, unprofessional, Sicilian-tempered self and blurted (out loud, no less) that should I come across this person on the street, I would happily whoop her ass. (Again, sorry, Mom.)
A nice girl can only take so much.
For every email I now send, my boss has a courtesy copy, and I print everything, so to say I have a thick file of paper-trail is an understatement. I don’t know what my boss is waiting for, but I’m hoping that someone will do something before my nemesis takes another patient off of the cardiac floor without notifying a monitor tech. These techs need to know where their patients are at all times in case their monitors (or God forbid their hearts) go ka-floo-ey. I don’t need someone dying on my watch to prove a point.
All that being said? I’m done being the nice girl. Nice doesn’t save lives and it doesn’t win friends and influence people in my immediate circle.
There it is; that road block that anyone who writes dreads.
“I have nothing to say!”
You log onto Medium with a gazillion different thoughts in your head, yet none of them seem to have enough substance to write about, yet you click on “new story” because you are certain the inspiration will hit you once you’ve done that. Except that it doesn’t.
Then there is that cursor on the blank page. It just keeps blinking at you, taunting you, daring you to just close the window and go on with your life; hit up Facebook, play the online games or binge watch that series you stopped watching when you decided that writing was a worthwhile pursuit.
But you can’t. You’ve made a commitment to yourself to publish something every day. You know that at some point, you will publish something that is worthy of going viral in the Medium world, or at least garnering a payment. No, it might not be today, tomorrow or even this year, but you know it willhappen.
Because when you were just blogging for the fun of it? Writing was optional. When you had an off-day, and let’s be honest; when we are just blogging for the hell of it? It’s no big deal when your brain draws a blank. Now that you’ve made a commitment to yourself? All of those old bets are off, and that just makes you feel worse!
So you sit there and you watch that infuriating cursor, which used to be your friend, while it blinks and mocks you. It’s almost as if the Wordgod only gave you so many words to use per week and you blew them on the three pieces that kind of sucked last night. Now you’re on empty.
Suddenly you realize that this is something that every other writer has encountered, so you decide to write about it, because just maybe your piece on having nothing to say will speak to someone else; another writer being taunted by the infernal blinking cursor. This isn’t the one that will garner you a payment, or a grand following or even a few claps, but you put it out there, anyway, just because you feel like you might help someone else feel better about the blank page in their mind, and it might prompt them to write about their own “have nothing to say” day.
So here it is, writing family; the piece about having nothing to say. Worry not. It happens to everyone (or so I am told) at one time or another.
I get it. Many of us find our 45th President quite unlikeable (okay, hateful), and others find him spot-on and a refreshing change in politics. He’s been referred to as a monster, a hero, the racist-in-chief, Biff, Twitter-Boy Trump; I could go on.
I’ll admit that I’m torn. He’s done some things I can totally get behind, but there are also things that really rub me the wrong way. I have been behind all of the presidents that have been in office my entire adult life. Trump is the first resident of the White House that I have ever openly spoken out against, simply because of many of his un-presidential comments.
To be honest, I have never liked any of our presidents 100%, except for possibly Regan, and I was still pretty wet behind the ears regarding politics. I think I loved the way he stood up to Russia.
But let’s get back to #45, shall we?
On the negative side?
More often than not, I wish we could take the Tweeter-In-Chief’s account away from him.
On the one hand, I appreciate that he is trying to be “out there” on social media, but on the other? Many of his tweets are eyebrow raising and even downright offensive, although I was a fan of the Tweet he posted after meeting with Un; that we could sleep better knowing that there was one less bad guy out there.
Our Secretary of State just wrapped up talks in North Korea, but this morning the news is about as varied as a handful of jelly beans. Pompeo is stating that it went well, while our new friends in North Korea are reporting just the opposite.
Right now I have to ask: What are we getting out of this? Have we gotten the remains of our Korean War Vets back yet? Was Un just stroking Trump to make him look bad in the long run?
I don’t have the answer to those questions.
The Things That Fall Out of His Mouth
That comment he made about Elizabeth Warren? He gets a full-on face-palm and both thumbs down from me. As someone who was sexually harassed, I found his making light of #MeToo offensive. Not something to joke about, but then, this is the guy that said, “Grab ‘em by the pussy.”
That being said, I get that he’s not a politician, that he isn’t even a little bit PC, but damn, sir! Every time you do something redeeming, you say something cringe-worthy at best. My husband says that he does the same thing, but I remind him that he is not the leader of the free world, either. Hell, if someone as opinionated as I am can make a point without being tacky and offensive, shouldn’t he be able to do the same?
On the other side of the coin, Maxine Waters publicly calling for the harassment of cabinet members? That wasn’t even remotely okay, but that hasn’t caused a shit storm from the left, either. You know, the tolerant left? That’s a story for another day, though.
In my 35 years as a legal, voting adult, I have never seen our nation as divided as it is now. I have friends on both both the left and the right (I’m more of an Independent in the middle), and until recently I’d never seen such ugliness. I have been unfriended by people on both sides simply because my opinions did not align with theirs to the letter.
Are you kidding me? Where is the tolerant left? Where are the “Christian” conservatives? Has it become so bad that we have to kick our friends to the curb because of differing world views? I really miss the good old days when it was okay to agree to disagree, move on, then go out for drinks.
To quote my daughter, “I can’t even!”
Is the vitriol between sides worth it? The family arguments, the loss of friends, the being judged as a person based solely on your political affiliation; it isn’t worth it to me. As an American, I’m saddened by this whole situation. We can do better, but will we? I’m an optimist, but sadly, I don’t see this turning around any time soon.
On The Positive Side…
I’m not saying that President Trump is an abysmal fuck-up, either. Still with me? Read on.
That Tax Bill, Though
I’m still kind of unsure why everyone’s bitching about the tax bill. To be honest? My husband and I have been paying thousands of dollars in taxes all the way up to our 2016 return. He’s retired/disabled and I work full time. I didn’t think we made enough money to pay out as much as we have been, even claiming “Married at a higher single rate” with zero dependents. We did our 2017 taxes, paid what Turbo Tax said we owed, and then got a check from the IRS above and beyond what we thought we owed. Honestly? I can’t wait to see what happens with 18’s taxes.
In February of this year, however, I found a lot more money in my bring-home pay, which was a nice surprise.
Just as was the recent increase (at work) of the facility minimum wage to $10.00 per hour. I can’t remember what the old rate was, but I do know that this was a substantial increase in most of my team’s hourly rates. My grade wasn’t affected, but I’m still okay with more bring home than I’ve had in quite some time.
I am not anti-immigration. Three of my four great-grandparents were immigrants. They became citizens. They didn’t sneak over the border, though. What I have a problem with are the immigrants coming here illegally; those that are bringing in drugs, the gang members, the human traffickers, etc. Yes, I feel for the families fleeing places like Honduras, but they need to come in through the proper channels.
That Trump is working toward trying to make our borders safer is a good thing. He is only one man, though, and the House and Senate are needed to pass immigration reform, and that just keeps hitting the floor, and gets swept out with the trash.
I think what confuses me the most is the left’s outcries against secure borders, even though President Obama and Hillary Clinton were both on record as stating that the borders need to be secure.
Don’t recall? Here is President Obama speaking on this:
Here is Hillary Clinton, as a reminder:
Where is the outrage? I don’t know, either. I just don’t get it.
Our vets are fighting for their medical benefits and they are waiting ungodly amounts of time to be seen at VA hospitals. That’s disgraceful to me. As the mother of an Air Force vet who was medically retired due to PTSD, watching as he had to travel hours from his home to get his VA care was frustrating at best.
Just last month Trump signed a VA law giving our vets more healthcare choices. That is a step in the right direction, and one that should have been taken long before now.
Trump is a Mixed Bag
Love him or hate him, 45 is our president, and will be for at least the next two years.
You have to ask yourself one question, though. Is your life better, worse or the same since the man took office?
Can’t we, as a county, support him together, warts and all? One nation under God, indivisible with liberty and justice for all, remember?