Oh, Balls…

 

Yes, you actually CAN see too many....

Yes, you actually CAN see too many….

As soon as the situation I am about to share with you was over, the first thing that crossed my mind was, “OMG, I am SO going to blog about this!”

One of our maintenance guys is rather rotund, and because of this, when seated, has some difficulty being able to sit with his legs/thighs together. This isn’t usually a problem. Yesterday, however…

I was sitting at my desk minding my own business, actually, you know, being productive, when my Courier came rushing into my office, leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Joe’s ball is out!” Do what? I looked at her and you could tell she wasn’t kidding. My receptionist was also aware of this situation, and the three of us walked out to the front office, where Joe was seated in a chair, facing the window and entrance door. There were also four or five contractors in the office, as well. MALE contractors. As I am walking past him, Joe speaks to me and I am forced to turn and *sigh* look at him. And I saw the first thing anyone would see when they walked in the door. Joe’s inseam had come apart. *sigh* A chunk of scrotum and inhabitant trying to escape through said split in the pants was like the (pink?) elephant in the room that nobody wanted to talk about. I don’t even remember what he said to me or how I answered, but I did manage to excuse myself to go to the cafeteria to get something to drink.

Upon my return, the contractors and Joe were still shooting the shit in the front office, and Joe’s little friend was hanging around just taking it all in. I went back into my office and sat behind my desk, torn between being horrified and laughing hysterically. That’s when my other driver came flying into my office, mouthing, “OMG, Joe’s BALL!” I hand signaled that I knew, and couldn’t understand why one of those contractors didn’t simply pull him aside and kinda let him know that there was a cock loose in the hen house or a breach at Los Pantelones, or something. ANYTHING to get him to tuck that little sucker back in where it belonged. Was it possible that maybe none of them saw it?

It was when I heard one of our directors come in that I decided to go out front to talk to him about a project I am working on for him, because I figured I would be able to tell if he could see, too. He could. That poor man was looking everywhere BUT in my direction, because I had strategically placed myself where one could see me and our guest at the same time.

Joe finally got up and went back to his office, and the girls and I were rolling. There were cracks about Joe and the “other white meat” among other things. We had just about decided on putting an anonymous note on his desk letting him know, but just as we were printing it up, he came in to my office to let me know he was about to go run some errands. He left some instructions, I think, about how to reach him if someone needed him, but all I could hear was the little voice in my head begging, “Please don’t sit down, please don’t sit down!” Thank goodness he didn’t, and left without further incident.

First of all; how do you NOT know a sensitive bit of your anatomy is out and about? Is there not a breeze? What?

Second of all; gentlemen, if you are seriously unaware that your bits are visible to the free world, wouldn’t you want to know about it? And if so, would you prefer to be told by a man or a woman? Would you be thinking, “Why are you looking at my crotch, anyway?”? (I truly believe that Joe would had asked this very thing had one of us women said something to him about it.)

We had a situation during my first years here where all three ladies in the office (my boss, the receptionist and I) saw the maintenance manager’s fly was down, and not just a little bit, either. None of us were quite sure how to handle it, so we did what any cowardly women would do. We called another manager and explained that we were too embarrassed to tell the guy his junk drawer was open, and could he maybe give the dude a *ahem* head’s up? Which he did, and then added that all of us had noticed, but didn’t know how to tell him, so yeah. We all ended up mortified, anyway.

Next time, however, perhaps the correct thing to say in a situation like this is to simply gently tell him, “I always thought you were crazy, but now I see your nuts.”

…Until next time.

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Post Script:

You guys…Hi!

I’m sorry I seem to have fallen off the face of the earth the last two weeks. The very day after I published my last post, all hell broke loose. Number 2 Son had a falling out/breakup with his fiance, and this resulted in all grades of family drama in the days following that. I don’t want to go into detail because of his privacy, but basically I lost a lot of sleep, a good chunk of money (btw, happy birthday and Merry Christmas for the next few years, Son), and between phone calls, text messages and Facebook PM’s, I have run the battery in my phone dead more times than I care to mention. Once that drama settled down somewhat, I had to go back to see the *gasp* dentist, and as a result of that visit, I stayed cranky and hungry for a few days because…OW!

Thank you, Janey & Rob, for checking in on me.

Also, regarding Lisa’s May challenge? This was something I was supposed to mention in my posts once a week to state that I was keeping up with my goal of lifting weights three times a week. I did, actually, meet that goal throughout the remainder of May. One of the things that helped was that over on My Fitness Pal, the site I use to track my caloric intake and workouts, there is a Hunger Games-based 12-week challenge that started May 12. Of course, I joined right up, because what better way to help keep myself accountable than to play on a team. If any of you is familiar with the story, I am in District 12. Not having read the story or seen the movie prior to signing up, I had NO idea that this district has a reputation because that is where Katniss came from. Who knew? I picked it because the first two members were girls that lift weights. 😉 So yes, I have moved more in the past three weeks than I had in the three months prior. I am also down several inches in the bust, waist and hips. I am even getting cardio in, which is not something I would have considered previously, but when The Capitol sets minimum cardio and strength minute goals….What’s a Tribute to do, right? I meet and exceed, LOL!

So, I’m fine, just got a little brain-locked for a couple of weeks, but I’m back. Of course, it IS summer and I do spend a lot more time outdoors than in I may not be as productive as I am in the cooler months, blog-wise, but I’m still here. 😉

It REALLY Isn’t THAT Bad…

I know that you guys must think (and I’m making this assumption from the bulk of my comments) that if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all but I need to clarify:  That is not the case.

I am your run of the mill, happy go lucky, silly, laughs a lot kind of girl.

If I were to blog every day, you would be bored to tears. No, really.  You would be.  “I got up, had coffee, went to the day job, joked around with the girls, had some laughs, came home, drank wine, worked on photos, did a skin care class, and blogged.” ZZZZZzzzzzz

Seriously.  Not everything goes wrong.  I just share the crap that is notable, and hope that I can put a funny spin on these things – like the spider in the car.  Or the root canal (OMG, someone, take my mouth and be me on Monday, PUH-LEESE?)

I laugh. A lot.  Really.  I get emails with pictures like this:

Balls

“Who was on the phone?” “Some nut.” Thank you Mr. Squirrel…That was a serious wine out of my nose moment!

I have good friends, FUNNY friends, that make it worth getting out of bed in the morning.

I also have two small businesses that are starting to actually MOVE and I’m seeing PROFIT (who knew???), and unless I am tripping over cracks in the sidewalk, getting run over by George, or getting pulled by the NC Highway Patrol, I actually live a pretty mundane life.

So short & sweet? Don’t feel sorry for me…just LAUGH with me…because if you can’t find the humor in the day to day foibles?  Why get out of the bed?

Till next time!